Steven Covey gave us the 5 listening skills.  Simply it starts with

Apathy – “I don’t know and I don’t care”.   This is the world of pity, and indifference.

Sympathy – We now listen, but we are just listen because of our own self interests.  We listen to respond.

Empathy – We listen, to understand and feel with our hearts.  To put ourselves into the others place

Major NOTE:  Empathy is processed in the brain where pain is registered.   If someone is not careful they will soon have Empathy Burnout.  Hence the reason there is such high burnout with doctors and nurses.  

Facilitate – THIS IS NOT A STEVEN COVEY THING.  This is a Kordell Norton thing.   When we move past Empathy, and start to think with compassion, then we start to use wisdom and creativity.  “How can I help this person?  Should I help this person, or will that be doing them a dis-favor?  What tools, connections, insights could I provide so this person can ‘dig out’?”

2nd Major NOTE:  Compassion is processed in the brain where rewards are found.  It is lifting, happy, and mulitplier in it’s effect. 

To use compassion, to help the person FACILITATE a change requires wisdom.  It gives away knowing that the gift will come back, and yet there is no expectancy.  It is additive.

It also knows that to do for the other might be detrimental.   If I help my child get their first job, then at a later date when they should be tackling life on their own they may not have the skills to job hunt, to be self reliant.  Perhaps we facilitate our child, or coach them into how to write a resume.  Or we walk them through a job hunting attack plan.